Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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