Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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