The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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