Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
