i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
