I could have mohawked her pubes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
