I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
