i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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