I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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