He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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