if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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