The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
