You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
