you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
