oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize