I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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