So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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