i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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