Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
