Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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