I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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