sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
