I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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