woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
