I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
