I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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