Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
