ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
