I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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