its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
