WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
