I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He felt like a one man threesome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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