The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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