she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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