omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
