why didn't you poke me back
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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