I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
