Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize