Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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