My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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