So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
