I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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