living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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