Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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