So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
