And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
