There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
