Pants 0. Shit 1.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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