You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
