He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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