Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
