How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
