So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
