no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My bed smells like the plague
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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