he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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