Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's always time for handjobs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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