He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
