I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
