here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
