a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
