I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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