The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
