im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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