I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
