he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
