Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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