I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
