thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
