Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
